Prayer of A Doubting Thomas

Prayer of A Doubting Thomas

My Lord and my God!

Forgive me if I doubted,

The pains and tears brought by your cross

Are so much that they blinded me

And the realization that it was my sins that brought you death

Filled me with so much loathing of myself,

 that I wanted to be alone,

 I wanted to be far off, 

so as not to be a stumbling block to our friends and thus bring further pain.

And so I was not there

When you appeared before them

And assured them peace.

You see, when they told me, 

That You, Lord, rose again, 

I was overjoyed by the thought,

I can only dream of that moment

When your mere presence

Calmed all their fears

And confirmed in their heart

That you truly conquered  everything.

But what if everything they saw was a dream?

A mere hallucination of people buried in grief,

A mere illusion to survive the fear that consumes them.

I wanted more than anything to believe

That you truly rose again!

And thus, I feared more than anything

that all of it was not true,

And so Lord forgive me,

If I have wanted to touch those nailmarks,

 If I have wanted to feel your heart beating once again even if it was pierced,

For it is the only way to wake up 

to the realization

that love truly conquers all 

and to have that faith 

That does not fear anything

A conviction that calls into action.

Forgive us Lord,

For we are all doubters

And when you appeared once again, 

When I’m with them

We are still cowering behind locked doors

Fearful that our sins and enemies

May claim our lives once again.

Doubt is a cycle and contagious

And so help us Lord

To be strong in faith

For one another. 

May we find You

In the faith of our friends.

And so there You are

You give us your peace

And your Spirit

Even though our hearts

Like those doors

Are locked

You entered

In the glory of your risen body

And filled us 

With the power and joy

Of your resurrection

Despite our doubts

Our fears

Our cowardice

Our weaknesses

Our sins.

And You approached me

Chiding me like a child for my unbelief

And you allowed me to touch those nailmarks

And to feel that heart

Beating once again

Alive once again

Out of love for me

And nothing

Not even death

Can now separate us.

As I kissed your feet,

I realized that I cannot fully understand

The meaning of everything

But that does not mean

That I cannot believe

I do believe Lord

Supply my unbelief

And in my heart I instantly knew

And so I exclaimed

My Lord and my God!

I wanted to believe

Despite my doubts Lord God

And there will be times

I know, that I will still doubt, 

Not because I did not see you

But because of my sins

Because of my flaws

Because of my falls

Because of my self.

And so this is my prayer,

Everytime I grow less sure of myself,

May I grow more sure of you!

Jesus, I trust in you!

And when I doubt Lord God,

Grant that I may doubt the world is round,

That I may doubt that the sun is fire,

That I may doubt that truth be a liar,

But never may I doubt,

That You Love!

Blessed are those who doubt,

For by their doubt,

They seek the truth

And they are found by it.

Blessed are those

Who despite their doubts,

Move on through it

And chooses to believe

Finding our Lord and our God

Alive in them. Amen.

I believe in love

I believe in love.

Because I believe in God

Whose very identity and nature

Is nothing but love

He has created me with a love so pure

And sustains me with a love so strong

That neither death, nor life,

Nor the past, present, and future

Nor any height and depth

Nor anything else in creation

Can ever separate me from this love (Rom 8:38).

Love is my sole destiny.

A love so happy,

That it is worth to fight for it

And to wait for it

Even though it hurts

Yes –even though it hurts so much

For I know

That its capacity to hurt

Creates an abyss so deep

That enlarges my heart

Only to be filled with joy

To the brim

When the right time comes.

Yes! For love can eventually conquer all

When that perfect time comes

If I choose to love

Day by day

A process that

Purifies me

With a fire that burns all my flaws

Transforms me with a pruning to make me grow

And perfects me

Showing me who I really am and what I am truly capable of.

Love is the only thing that can make me whole

Even though my heart is broken

Again and again

For it is the only way

To shed my old self

And bring in

A wonderful being reborn.

I will strive to know love

For in knowing love

Comes understanding

Forgiveness

Acceptance

Things that can make love

Last

And true

Despite weaknesses

And imperfections.

Love is real

For those who have been hurt

For those who wait

For those who sincerely seek

For those who hope against hope

For those who take risks

For those who are brave enough to fall

For those who keep faith

For those who fully forgive

For those who look forward

And move on

For those who give their all

For those who hold on

For those who reconcile

For those who pray

And lastly,

For those who stay.

God is love

And he who stays in love

Stays in God

And God

Stays in him (1 Jn 4:16).

I believe in God.

I believe in love.

I believe in forever.12695227_10207588539687755_532025490_o

TADHANA

Naniniwala ako sa tadhana
Na kahit ang tao’y ipinanganak na Malaya
Lahat ay itinakdang maging masaya
Pero ang paniniwala ko sa tadhana
Naging totoo nung makilala kita
Ang tadhana, na dati’y isa lamang paniniwala
Naging pag-ibig nung makilala kita

Alam mo, tadhana sana tayo,
Na kapag ikaw ay kasama ko,
Parang isang pelikula ang buhay ko
Isang pelikula na may script na nakakakilig
May background music na saktong sakto ang timing
At may hinihintay at nakakasabik na happy ending

Itinadhana nga kasi tayo
At kapag hawak ko ang kamay mo,
Nabubuo ang isang munting mundo
Na ang tanging mahalaga
Ay ikaw at ako.
Ikaw at ako
Parang dalawang piraso ng jigsaw
Bumubuo ng isang litrato
Na kumpletong-kumpleto

Wag kang makulit
Tadhana nga kasi tayo
Na parang chemistry
Opposites that attract
Ikaw ang araw
At ako ang gabi
Na parang chemistry
Like that dissolves like
Na tayong dalawa
Kapag magkasama
Ay nagiging iisa

TADHANA
TAYO
Itinakda ni Bathala
Pinagtagpo ng mundo
Pinagkasundo ng buhay
Sa isa’t isa’y
Naging alay
Pero…
Kakapagod nang ipilit.

Tadhana nga ba tayo?
Dahil bakit ibang tadhana ang hanap mo?
Ikaw lang ang para sa’kin
Pero hindi lang pala ako
Ang para sa’yo
Kung tadhana tayo
Bakit di ako kasama
Sa mga pangarap mo?

Kung tadhana tayo
Bakit kelangan ko pang ipilit?
Ang tadhana pala’y sadyang mapait
Bakit ako nagtatanong ng bakit
Bakit ako
Kelangang maghabol
Kung para sa iyo
Ako’y iniukol
Ako’y napapagod
Nang maghabol
Dati ako’y naniniwala sa tadhana
At dahil dito
Parang wala akong mapapala

Tadhana nga tayo
Pero sabihin ko man ng sabihin
Lumaban man ng lumaban
Umasa nang umasa
Kung ‘di mo pakikinggan
Kung ako lang ang lalaban
Kung ‘di mo paniniwalaan
Kung patuloy lang akong masasaktan…

Ang tayong itinadhana
Patuloy lang na magiging sana
Mananatili lang na tadhana
At sa takdang panahon
Talagang sinasabi ko sa’yo
Matagal mang dumating
Tadhana man itong ituring
Sinasabi ko sa iyo
Ang tadhanang ito
Malilito
Mapapagod
Magbabago
Magsasawa
At sa wakas
MAWAWALA

Naniniwala pa rin ako sa tadhana
Sana lang hindi ako sa’yo naniwala
Naniniwala ako sa tadhana
Na ang tao’y itinakdang sumaya
Kung sa lintik na tadhanang tulad mo
Ako’y makakalaya.

PAGHIHINTAY

 

Ang bagal ng araw

‘pag ‘di ka kasama

Walang kwenta ang cellphone

‘pag reply mo, di Makita

Miss na kita

Alam mo ba?

Ikaw kaya, anong nadarama,

May pag-asa pa kaya?

Kakapit pa ba?

O bibitaw na para makalimot na?

Ang pinakamasakit at pinakamahirap

Ay maghintay

Ng hindi mo alam

Kung ano ang sayo’y naghihintay

Madaling ihanda ang sarili sa sakit

Masaya ang umasa sa OOng matamis

Pero kung ‘di mo batid ang magiging kapalit

Paghihintay: impyerno’y kaparis

Kaya naman ang sagot, ‘pag ito na’y dumating

Kahit sobrang sakit

Ay para nang langit

Na papatay sa’yo

At tatapos sa buhay mong mapait.

KILLED WITH A KISS

Bakit mo pa kasi ako hinalikan

Hindi ka tuloy mawala sa isipan

Handa naman ako na ikaw ay ligawan

Pero bakit ganyan?

Di ko maintindihan

Kilos mo’y nag-iba ng ‘di namalayan

Alam ko naman na wala naman akong karapatan

Pero di ko maiwasan

Na sobrang masaktan

Dahil parang wala na lang

Ating pinagsamahan

Isang katangahan ang umasa

Sa intindihan lamang

Ang itaya ang lahat

Sa malabong usapan

Lintik na pag-ibig, ako pa’y tinamaan

Sa isang halik lang

Nawala ang katinuan

Pero patawarin kung ako’y aasa pa rin

Kung panghahawakan ko, pinagsamahan natin

Dahil di kayang maniwala

Ng puso ko’t panimdim

Na sa isang halik lang

Lahat ng tayo’y mawawala